Tyger vs. MRE (images!)

some images are linked to with hyperlinks, others are posted below. Enjoy!

And as an edit add, hello to everyone from the Ted Nugent Forums. Hopefully, you'll find this entertaining.

So what happens when you find something packed away in an old box of paintball gear? You eat it. Well, only if it's an MRE.



If you don't know what I'm talking about, MREs are military "Meals Ready to Eat". Well, that's not 100% true, as some prep is really advised. Depending on your era of service, "MRE" can mean a whole lot more things that swear filters and good taste bar me from really getting into. (Just as "S.O.S." means something else to the Army than it does to the Navy, but I digress....)

The MRE that I've found in a box of old paintball stuff has a back history. Back in 2002 I was a referee at Stalker Paintball Games. We had a group from a local military base who had down time. They were waiting to be deployed to Iraq, and wanted to play some paintball. When they got to the field, they humped it all the way from the main road to the parking lot (I think they WANTED to walk it...) and humped in with them a case of MREs.

I was giving orientation when their Sergeant got a call on his cell phone. We were about ready to hand them equipment when the Sergeant came back with a very unhappy look on his face. "We just got the call. We're on a plane in three hours." They were NOT happy, but that's military life. They didn't want to or couldn't bring the MREs back, so they gave the entire case of MREs to us at the field. And with lots of apologies, they headed back to base.

We ate one at the field, out of curiosity. Between us all we knew MREs from the 90's or so, and this was an experience. Another one got shared with the people at home. The last one was put in a box of paintball gear, and basically forgotten about. Until a day ago when I shifted something to find an old part and it fell out at me. So I figured I'd give it a try.

MREs have a shelf life of a few years. A long time ago they were freeze dried and lasted as long as your jaw could chew on them. But when they said it was "steak" and the insides looked more like "shoe leather", they started over. The NEW MRE is actually a little more palatable, but the cost is the shelf life isn't as good. That being said, consider that the MRE I put in my body is over 3 years old, and that's not counting time it spent in the Army base.

So with some interest, I opened it up. Nothing flying out at me, nothing complaining that the lights should turn out.... Good. As expected, it was packed tight. Deconstruction of the pack is always fun, because I really don't know what's in this MRE. The outside says it's "Menu No. 14", Pasta w/ Alfredo Sauce. Ok, I'm adventurous. Let's check it out.



Got the pasta box, a box with "Pineapples", a cracker or two, peanut butter, dry roasted peanuts, pound cake... That's pretty good for a spread. You also get a heating pack, so I provided a canister of water. Then there's the pack of stuff with it. And in there is some gum (woo!), matches, a moist towlette (as we all know, you have to clean your hands when eating in the field....), salt, a flavor packet, "John Wayne" wipes (more on that later...) and two drink packs. Hot Cider AND Iced tea.

Preparing an MRE is always fun. If you've never done it, the packages come with instructions on how to prepare the hot meal you're about to enjoy. (Or endure, I guess...) The heating pack is REALLY the coolest part. You put in the main dish, add a TINY amount of water, close the bag by folding it over, put it back into the box you got it in, and set it on an angle. You know that the person who wrote the instructions was catering to the "lowest common denominator" when they say to put the cooking carton inclined on a "rock or something"



Now you wait a few minutes for your meal to cook. If you need motivation, you can read the cartons for feel-good messages. "Nutrition: A Force Multiplier" Once you realize that your meal is not as much "Courses" as "Components", you understand half the enjoyment of an MRE pack. You trade stuff 'till you get what you want. To be honest, I would have traded the pineapple, but I'm not a pineapple fan.

Now the other box has a pep talk about "Military rations are good performance meals", explaining that the more active you are the more you need to eat. Logical, to the point, and a fun read. The tips for eating the ration are even more fun. "If you can't eat all of the food in the ration.... –Eat some of each component to get a balance of nutrients -Eat the high carbohydrate items first (crackers, beverage base, fruit jelly) -Save unopened dry snack items to eat when you're on the move."

Of course, I was snacking on the peanuts while reading this so I was already going against the grain. So I dropped and gave myself ten. That just seemed right.

By now the box is SIZZLING. The warning on the cooking bag that it gets hot IS NOT KIDDING! Steam coming out of the bag was my cue to be careful. The pasta in Alfredo sauce? Pretty good. Bland, but good. If I get another chance with it I'll add the "spice packet" to the thing too. That would have made a world of difference. I also noticed that the bag had two tear tabs. A top one, then a lower one when you eat that far down. Nice touch.

I mixed the iced tea in my water bottle, and tried my luck at the peanut butter & crackers. We used to joke a long time ago about "nuclear crackers", meant to be stored indefinitely in nuclear fallout shelters. They are about as thick as a Frisbee, and can probably be thrown as far too. These are "nuclear crackers". The peanut butter, for obvious reasons, scared me even more. I squeezed some out, lightly placing it on a cracker. It not only held the cracker, it had a death grip. DROPPING it on top of the cracker produced a glue-like reaction where it held when inverted. That... is... scary.... Again, more than a little bland but not inedible for peanut butter and crackers.

The iced tea helped out a lot, as this stuff is VERY dry. I tried to ration it out for myself, but lemme tell you, I ran out of drink pack fast. But let's review. Dry peanuts, peanut butter on nuclear crackers and bland Alfredo. Yeah, bring on the juice. Please.

The pineapple, well it was edible but REALLY sweet. Shave your tongue sweet. I tried, but couldn't eat it. Sorry, that's the only incomplete part here. But if you like the stuff, it'd be good. Small chunks and I'd easily say it was a huge portion of it too.

So I also decided to try the cider. I admit, I cheated. I was going to only do this like someone eating in the field. But I didn't have a convenient fire to warm water, so I improvised with microwaved water. Field expediency. The stuff had kick to it. Like "Clear the nostrils and water your eyes" kick. I'm not exactly the spicy food guy here, so it may just be my taste buds. But, it does pack a wallop.

Now, the pound cake. Take everything you know about pound cake, and throw it out the window. This is more "abbreviated" pound cake. Flattened may be the better term for it. All the flavor cramped into a tiny loaf of pound cake. You know, it's really good. Still dry, but good. Whoever plans these meals knows the soldier has a lot of water to down it with.


And even more of the "lowest common denominator....

The MRE expands to a huge mess, but the nice part is that you cram all the garbage you create into the main bag, and it compressed really well. There's stuff in the pack you should keep in your pocket. The gum is nice, a good way to get rid of that apple cider taste. The matches are damp-resistant, but not waterproof. Then there's the "John Wayne" TP. Why do I call it that? It's rough, it's tough, and it don't take... I better not finish that joke. But it's handy for other things. Perhaps trade it to someone for their juice pack or something.



So what is the overall review? Honestly, I don't think I could live on the things. But I would like to get more of these, or stuff like it, for paintball outings or camping or the like. Unfortunately, they're not available to the public normally. I hear you can buy them at some Army bases or if you're in the military, but a "civvy" like me probably can't get them. I've seen camping packs that are like MREs, but not quite the same.

I've wanted to run or be in a scenario game where the players are issued MREs for lunch, to put them in the mood of the scenario. They don't sit light, but they do fill you up very well. I'm a big guy, I ate most of it and I'm more than full. It's also a very high protein meal, meant to give you energy to keep moving, which for a scenario game would be fitting.

If you do get the chance to obtain some MREs, I do recommend it. If nothing else, it gives you an idea what conditions are like for the guys who do it for real. Trust me, these MREs are MUCH better than the first ones I've seen / had. You know how I mentioned the "nuclear cracker"? How about the "Nuclear BROWNIE"? Take a fluffy, normal brownie just out of the oven, cram the entire pan down to about 3x4 inches, remove all the water, vacuum pack it to remove all the water, then store it for an undisclosed amount of time. Can you say "sugar rush of doom"?