Farewell to Kings

Adult language follows. Consider yourself warned.

As of this moment, the Web Dog main page reads as follows:

"It's been real.

So long, and thanks for all the Phish."

Yes, it's a reference to the popular jam band "Phish", but more importantly, I'm done. After playing today, and comparing it to the past few events I've been to, I've come to the conclusion that the game being presented as "paintball" is not the game of "paintball" I used to enjoy.

I should explain. In the last two months of playing I've seen fist fights, almost became involved in two more including today, had my civil rights violated by a field enforced mandatory and illegal search and seizure of my belongings, and have had people threaten to kick my ass because I caught them wiping. And that's just my experiences. And I should mention this is all rec-ball, not tournaments.

Then I hear of other stuff going on. How the IAO sucked and no vendors showed up. How the industry fucked itself over a sweet TV deal because they acted like a bunch of hack amateurs. How companies are splitting up or making new brands to sell product and screwing each other. How the industry is turning sue-happy to get more of the paintball pie for themselves.

And you know what? I'm tired. I'm really tired of it all. I'm tired of feeling like I might have to defend myself from violence on the field. I'm tired of people pushing the rules to the breaking point, then beyond. I'm tired of watching 16-20 year old referees try to enforce rules to overly testosteroned 25 year old players whose best retort is "FUCK YOU!" or "FUCK OFF" or "FUCK YOURSELF" as they bully the refs around.

I'm tired of watching the sport I loved get shit-canned for a slicker and more sellable image. I'm tired of dealing with morons in the industry whose interest is making money more than making a community. I'm tired of players copping an attitude because they never learned how to be courteous or even have morals, and I'm tired of being told it's my job to enforce morality upon them. (It never works, and all you get is a mad player in your face wanting to kick your ass for lighting them up when they wipe hits.)

Back in 2000 I hit an impasse. I went to a Dollack scenario game and was assaulted by the "XO" of the opposing team. He shoved a gun into my chest, 3 inches into my chest, and pulled the trigger while someone else held my arms away from me. I reported this to Dollack, and both Wayne and Jackie told me "Boys will be boys." I was also informed I wouldn't be "welcome" at any other event if I pressed charges. It became obvious to me at that point that my safety was not a concern to anyone else but, apparently, me.

I had to seriously reconsider the sport I thought I knew. I figured I'd tough it out, see what came, and ride it from there. I had an opportunity open up with Web Dog, and I took it. Two seasons and more than a few life-changing events later, I'm back at that impasse. The "sport" I thought I enjoyed is not fun anymore, and I know why.

It's the players.

Over time, I've watched the change. The game has gotten slicker in the pro ranks, and I've watched as fighting, screaming matches and over tempered behavior was not only allowed but glorified. Everyone's seen the "Roundhouse" from 300 FPS, as well as the guns that get chucked to the ground in disgust in every major video on the market. If you haven't seen those, how about the temper tantrums pros throw by punching bunkers if they get shot? Plus Rocky's "we will boycott" threat at the X-Ball game after he cowed a referee and made motions like he would punch one of the others.

I've said it before, that there is a very real trickle down effect in paintball. What happens in the pro ranks takes 6 months to a year to become a reality in my walk-on game. Today was that day. Four players were lit up by the same opponent, an off-duty ref who was playing, and one was after he had called himself out and was trying to exit the field. Then the fight, it wasn't from a tournament player. It was a rec guy wearing camouflage pants and a t-shirt. This isn't a game; this was a barely contained brawl.

If it were isolated, I'd let it go. But again in the last two months I've seen the cops called to press charges on a player who started a fist fight on the field of play. It's the Wild West all over again. We've got young boys with guns and nobody around who will teach them morality or how to act. The refs won't do it, the field owners can't, and certainly parents won't punish children for something they didn't see them do if at all.

So this brings me back to my safety on the field. Since my safety is, in part, a result of the players I'm with, I put faith into them. I trust that they don't crank up guns while we're in the parking lot. I trust them to play honestly. I have to believe that they're not going to overuse the trigger in an attempt to injure someone.

Unfortunately, that's simply not the case anymore. Back in the day, it wasn't so bad. But since the "Wild West" mentality has been embraced (light up a cheater, light up someone who's being a jerk, punish the guilty yourself rather than get a ref there) and the level of tech has kept increasing, it's created a volatile mix of adrenaline, testosterone and ego.

One of these days, if the game keeps going the way it is, some kid will get killed. No, not figuratively. Some kid will mouth off at the wrong guy, and catch 50-100 paintballs point blank in the throat or the back of the head. Or some kid will light up some guy in a bunkering run, and said guy will chase the kid around the field and beat him to death with a paintball gun.

Solutions? None that are easy. They involve a huge social revolution in the game of paintball. A revolution that is neither profitable for the industry nor possible with the players. And unless someone turns a buck nobody will want to do it. So this brings me back to the beginning.

"It's been real." And it has. WDR has been a ride and a half. All told I've sunk a lot of time, effort and money into something that I didn't want to turn a profit on. It would have been nice, but that was never my intention. It existed to give back to the paintball community, have some kind of positive impact on the world of paintball. And in a way, it has. I've proven, among other things, that you can film woods-ball with respect to the game. You can make a reality show where people really do like each other and the audience will like it. And you can make a low budget show look good if you have a story to tell and the dedication to it.

"So long, and thanks for all the Phish." A nod to Douglas Adams, yes. More than that, it's not goodbye. On the WDR forums I've already been accused of never intending to bring WDR back at all, and that's not true. The money spent on POW Web would beg to differ. The phone calls telling me that I'd have to sink $500 up front for the hosting I need would differ too.

If it comes back, it comes back. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Just because I'm tired of dealing with morons does not mean that the whole world is full of them. It also does not mean that art should be hidden away. Yes, the clips are art. After pouring blood, sweat and paint into them, they're art. But it's still something I would still give away for free, if I can. But am I done with it? Pretty much, yes.

I set out to do a few things with WDR, and since it's not profitable to do so I don't get any support from the industry. And since it's not tourney-slick I don't get respect. And since it's not showing scantily-clad women or fights, I don't get much of anything else. After fighting uphill so long, you either get the point or get out of the way of the juggernaut going downhill. That includes the industry screwing itself, the events screwing the players, and the players taking out their anger on each other.

I can not, with a clear conscience, associate myself with a sport that condones by silence any kind of violent behavior. If you don't condemn an act, you give the green light for others to repeat it. Today finally was the big fucking spotlight on the fact that in paintball, my safety is not a concern. When I used to ref my main goal of the day was to insure the players all had a safe time, then they had a good time, then they had the rules. Apparently, this is no longer the case.

So I've taken down the WDR site and I'm not planning on anything paintball oriented in the future. If it finds me, it finds me. If not, oh well. Don't think for a moment that this is an easy decision on my behalf. You don't take something you created from scratch and throw it away for no good reason. But I can't place myself in a position that someone will name me in a lawsuit if their kid gets hurt. And I can't write articles that I know nobody will read or heed the advice. I can write all I want "Don't bunker people" but nobody will listen. All that I realistically can do is control my own actions and thoughts.

I can not change the behavior of the players, the industry or the referees, so that leaves me with my own behavior patterns. It's been a rule of mine in life that if you're not enjoying something you do, don't do it. Is this a full retirement? I wouldn't say so, but after the heaps of abuse from people about WDR, the game being more dangerous (with implied and real violence carried out), referees who don't put any care or effort into the games they run, and an industry that "wags the dog" it's gotten to the point that I'm loathing the idea to go out and play. And honestly, I don't want to be on the field where some kid is pounded bloody by an over-testosteroned moron or takes the "golden bullet" shot in the back of his head and causes an aneurysm. Either way, I don't want to see it or be named in the lawsuit.

And before you all say "Well come to my field" I am speaking in generalities. YOUR field may not be like that, but more of them are than are not. But when you see the trend repeated not only in your home field, but all around the country, it's not just a local thing. I've seen it coming for a long time; I've just been denying it. But after today, I no longer have that luxury.

I wish I had an uplifting way to end this, but I don't. Other than I'm still going to update this blog. I still hold hope for the game, but not much. Too much has to happen before paintball is taken seriously by anyone outside of the circle. And if nobody else will say it, I will. I am, after all, a cynic.