Red Flags at Paintball Field

I'm updating this more than I thought I ever would, but A few things happened lately to encourage me to do so. Like a field I went to tonight. Field review is up on my web page via this link, but here's the long version of the story.

Anyone familiar with NASCAR knows what the "RED" flag means. It means stop immediately. Dangerous track conditions. BAD THING AHEAD! Every once in a while, I get that "red flag" in my head about a paintball field. Today was one of those days. And I didn't listen to that little voice until I had wasted my time and my money.

The "field" is not paintball. It's a variant called "WappBall" played on an indoor soccer field. The ball itself is a solid ball that looks and feels like solid plastic with a smooth surface. Now right here red flags are popping up. But they're only shot at "210" fps, according to the website. (This turned into "200 PSI" when I got to the field. Red Flag.) So I bring gear with me that I know I won't mind getting wrecked. A 10 year old barrel and old paintgun, check.

I get there, and I meet the field owner who's name I didn't really get (Gary, I want to say). It's this point where I'm made familiar with some of the house rules of the game of "wappball". Some make sense. Take off your goggles, you're done. Misuse or break the equipment, you're done. Ok, I can see that. Shoot the Referee; you're done for the day.

Red Flag.

Fine, as a player I'll just be cautious. Besides, this isn't hardcore paintball. I'll take it easy and have fun. But having performed the ref duties in my life, I know that mistakes happen. I've never thrown someone off a field for shooting me as a ref. Oh, I've WANTED to, but never did. But I digress.

Then the employees start to tell me that they like to put people on a "Firing line" for game infractions. This gets my attention, because I've seen kids dropped like stones because of a moronic "Firing line". Some kid took 3 simultaneous hits to his kidney when he was put on a firing line facing away from the shooters. That lasted long. I doubt the kid ever played again, and I doubt his "friends" played again after debilitating their best friend because a ref told them to do it. The staff at Do-It-All, however, tells me it's ok because the shots are from half court of the field so "it doesn't really hurt." So what kinds of infractions get you on the firing line? Directly from their sign:

1: Lose the game, 1 shot / whole team.
(Meaning your team is lined up and penalized for losing by being shot by the winning team.)
2: Shoot after whistle, 1 shot / individual penalty.
(So if you're in mid motion and shoot a ball, even accidentally, you get put on the firing line.)
3: All other violations, 1 shot / individual penalty.
(Even when the violations aren't spelled out, you'll get punished for them.)

Red Flag.

I express my concerns to them about this practice. But since there's never been problems before they aren't worried. Never mind that they're inviting a lawsuit. Never mind that the waivers don't cover this kind of activity and a hack lawyer could rip their waiver to shreds without blinking (for starters, you can not consent to allowing someone else to injure you.) Never mind that it's asking to hurt someone by shooting them without letting them defend themselves. They say that "a lot of people go on the firing line" and they like it that way. They laughed as they talked about the practice.

I tell them that I won't be taking part in the "firing line", shooting or being shot. They tell me that they'll put it up for a vote, and give me this look like I'm some kind of pussy for not "taking it like a man". No, I'm a realist. Reality is that you're asking to hurt someone, and that's not anything I'm comfortable with doing. Reality is that I've seen too much, and I remember the things we used to do in paintball. There's a reason the game evolved the way it did.

While waiting for the other players, I take quality time to stretch out. Go ahead, laugh, I'm old and I have the scars and pains to prove why I need to do this stuff now. I'm feeling loose and limbered, I'm ready to play. They call up front, and I pay the money for my "license" to play and the hour of time on the field. The people I'm with are mostly new players; everyone is renting gear to play but me. Fine. Teams separated randomly, and the orientation begins.

First thing said is about the gun safety. Next the goggle safety. Next "If you lose the game you will be put up on a firing line and take shots." No vote, just standard operating procedure. Red flag. But the money is already spent, and I figure I'll make the best out of the situation. If they make me stand on a line, I'll call a lawyer before I'm even out of the building.

After telling the players that they would be done for the session if they removed their goggles, our referee takes us all onto the field to test out the guns. After making sure everyone had goggles on, he gives us commands. "Ok, safeties off." He says. We all do. "Take the plugs out" We do. "Now take a few practice shots." One of the players is having a hard time with the rental gear. I look to our referee to mention it, and the referee is not wearing goggles. In fact they're not even on his head. In fact they're in his hand, hanging from the strap as he's helping someone else fix their gun.

Red flag. BIG red flag. BIG WAIVING red flag with a marching band behind it playing the "Grand Sousa March" out of tune and out of rhythm!!!

I decide it's not professional to yell at our referee to put his goggles on, so I help the player myself and make a note of the referee to bring it up later. Then we get the rest of the rules. We may not cross the mid-line of the field. Any overshooting will be sternly dealt with on the firing line. And if you get hit, you go out by going to the back line and reinsert yourself.

The game objective was "hostage". Each team had a human-shaped dummy on the center line they had to grab, bring back to their start zone, and then bring BACK to the center line. My back isn't up to dead lifting 30+ pounds of dead weight, so I'm just trying to deny the other team access to their goal.

I played for 6 minutes out of the first game before I was so disgusted with the entire thing I walked off the field and suited down. It takes a lot for me to walk off the field of play in mid-game. It takes even more to pack up while games are in progress and turn my back on it. I'll admit I had some lofty ambitions for this whole situation. And I've been going back in my mind to replay the game and I've come to a few possibilities of why I was so disgusted with the game play.

Option 1: Unknown to me, I was playing with the best paintball players on the planet. Indeed, these people were so good, that they could not be hit. Indeed, the laws of physics bent around them, and they could stop paintballs from touching them entirely. Out of 13 players, I only saw 4 call themselves as "hit" in a 10 minute game. So it's very possible that all the other players had control of the universe, and could make it bend to their will. But since telekinesis is not a real thing, I'll assume this is not the case. And since most of them didn't know how to tighten their goggle straps, I'm going to assume that Dynasty or HK did not put on clever disguises and play against me. The lack of swearing told me that too.

Option 2: As a player, I suck. This is a viable option, as I only think of myself as an average player with extraordinary backlogs of games played. It's very possible that I hallucinated when I rocked someone's head back and heard a ball hit their goggle lens. I'll ignore the guy who swore to himself when I clocked him in the protective covering of his Extreme Rage goggle helmet. I'll pretend that I didn't shoot the hopper off of someone's paintgun. Heck I'll even pretend I didn't see someone's hand flinch when I hit them in the fingers 3-4 times in a row. So this could be the case that I suck as a paintball player. I don't like to think this, but I'll entertain it as a possibility.

Option 3: People were blatantly cheating. This goes without saying, actually. I had to remind myself that seeing no paint on a hit spot was normal here. But even I figured it out very quickly about hit means out. As I said, I only saw four people, myself included, who actually called themselves as hit. And I can't believe that 9 players could not only move around the field without being hit, but they could shoot and shoot and shoot without anything coming at them. But I don't think that this is the whole problem.

Option 4: The overall system at the facility is inherently flawed. And this is what I think the real problem is. In order to make the activity of shooting a solid ball safe, they manufactured rules that also made it impossible to play well. But to keep it edgy, they instituted rules that would punish losing. The threat hanging overhead that losing a game means you get pain inflicted upon you made the desire to win VERY strong. I mean who wants to get shot by people outside of game play? So when you know that losing means pain, you do everything to win.

This isn't to mention about the referee. Where was he? Standing out of bounds with no clear view of the field. How does he get attention? Shine a flashlight in people's faces and blow a whistle. There were no rules on the field of play, it was anarchy. And if there were rules, the ref certainly was in no position to enforce them. The honor system goes out the window when the threat of pain is held over the player's heads.

Plus the rules hobbled the ability to win. Since you can't go beyond the center line and there are no bunkers near the goal position, it's impossible to achieve the goal. And since the penalty for failure is having pain inflicted upon you, the players will play safe to avoid risk but they will also play to win at all costs to avoid being literally beaten for failing to win. And that means that cheating is the rule of the day.

And finally, the red flags waived around my head the whole time I was there. I didn't feel safe in the least. I should have known when I was chronographing my paintgun things wouldn't be good. I had my goggles on, the referee walked up behind me without anything on his head to protect his eyes to ask me how it shot. That should have been the ultimate warning before I paid any money to play.

When I walked out, I told the field owner "I'm done." One of the other workers asked me why I was done. "I don't play with cheaters." He said he'd talk to the main ref. But what are you going to say? I mean really. What will he do to curb the cheating? Call a Paintcheck? "HEY REF! Check that man! I hit him with a… ball… That doesn't leave a mark… So I can't prove it. Dang. Never mind." So when the price of failure is literal pain, a few words of "stop cheating" will not work.

As I was packing up the other employee asked me if I wanted the proof that I paid for a "license" to play there. I told him no, as I had no intention to come back. What I then got were the usual excuses field owners give to prove that my lack of an enjoyable experience was not their fault. "You look like you're one of the old style players. If we get an older group in here we can call you back." He said to me. So I guess my stance on the game is flawed seeing that I'm old school. For future reference I should just keep playing through the pain regardless of how much I get hit. I guess its old school to call yourself out and follow the rules. But I'm a traditionalist in that way.

He then made excuses for the players. "They don't speak English." I don't care, if I don't speak Russian and I find myself in a game in Moscow, I think I'd know the basic concept of "I get hit, I leave the field." Then "Most never played before" Still, no matter. If they know how to cheat, they know how to play right too. Cheating is a choice you make regardless of skill level.

He also said he was "sure" that I'd get a credit if I wanted to play again. You know what? I don't want a credit. Even if I got it I know they'd never honor it down the road. I'd like my money back but I know that once spent it's impossible to get it back. And why would I want to play again? Get even madder and put myself in danger at an unsafe facility? No thank you.

You know why I had such a lousy time? I'll give you a hint, it's not because I couldn't eliminate players. That's frustrating, but I've forged on beyond that before. It wasn't just the teams, or the location, or the field or the hard plastic balls. You know what it was? It wasn't just one thing, it was everything. The fact the players overshot and wouldn't leave the field if they got hit was only a minor part of the greater picture.

No, it's the lack of safety. It's the lack of a professional attitude when I'm paying someone for that. It's the knowledge that the pressure is needlessly put on players to perform well or be punished over a social game. It's the pressure cooker atmosphere. It's that they didn't listen to a players concern for his own safety and forged on without a care if someone gets hurt. That's why I had a lousy time. And making excuses for other people's actions was not only condescending but was an insult. Rather than take responsibility for the things they could control the blame was sluffed off on others.

It is my opinion that the game they play is unsafe. The guy that runs it has a very safety unconscious attitude, and the game they play at this facility is a disaster waiting to happen. The safety netting does not enclose the entire field, and in fact the back netting is wide open for hard plastic balls to fly out of the play area and injure a bystander. The fact that nobody has been hurt yet is a miracle, and a miracle that I don't want to be around when it ends.

I'm often times a believer in the concept that you should try everything, at least once. Let me reassure you that you can definitely miss this one. I've told people in the past that the most you can do when things go from bad to worse is walk away. But I'm going a step further. I'm actively recommending you do not go to this facility. At all. Ever. Avoid it at all costs.

So, if you're in the Chicagoland area, and you're asked if you'd like to play "Paintless Paintball" at a place called "Do It All", recommend to your friends they go to any other indoor real paintball field in the area. Or recommend that they go bowling at the alley right next door. It's a lot safer, cheaper, and they'll have a lot more fun. Unless they enjoy having pain inflicted upon them because their team didn't win a game of "wappball". Some people like that, but it's not my cup of tea.

And What's in Tyger's CD player now :